The torments of the mind seek to keep you in a cage, to never let you out, to allow you to think that you need to suffer a million times over. You do not. What you have been given in your life, all of it, is a gift. Lessons to learn from, situations to grow by, understandings to make you complete. Just because you've missed the mark, does not mean you can't try again. Usually lessons take more practice than once, but it is not giving into your preconceived ideas of yourself and settling for who you think you are that will allow you to change. 

The mind would have us think we can never change, we were born with defects or they were learned along the way from difficulties in our lives as defense mechanisms, but the mind is full of lies. We can change whatever we want to change. All it takes is awareness and practice. Awareness of what we are doing at the time we are doing it and practice to change or reverse the action or thought. We are not bound by anything at any time, we can take the steps to change whatever it is we desire. They may feel like small steps at first, but each small step accumulates into a distance. If we don't bother to take the steps, we will never venture anywhere. We will stand in our cage and look out, wondering what it feels like to be free.